Be Good to Yourself: Walking to Heal After Losing My Dad to Suicide

Growing up, my dad ended every conversation with the phrase, “Be good to yourself.” It was on his cellphone voicemail, our home phone’s voicemail and he said it to people he had just met. My dad’s ever-present lesson in kindness and self-compassion set me on a mission to make this world a better place.

My dad died by suicide just over nine years ago, when I was 14 years old. The loss left me sad, confused and questioning a lot. It occurred to me that even the people who remind everyone else to be good to themselves need reminding, too. I was young, and I didn’t know what was going on in my dad’s head. I didn’t know the struggles he faced, so I didn’t realize he needed to hear “be good to yourself” just as much as I did when he said it to me.

We all know that one day, our parents will be gone. But I never expected it to happen so early in my life. It felt like a hit and run. My dad’s death hit me like a truck. I was left at the wreckage trying to put the pieces together; trying to understand what happened and why.  

Three years after my dad’s passing, in 2016, my aunt called me and said she’d learned about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Overnight Walk: a 16–18-mile walk from dusk to dawn that raises money and awareness for suicide prevention. The Overnight was happening in New York City that year, which was a blessing since our family is based in the New York metropolitan area. One of my aunts thought The Overnight would be an opportunity to find support and meet a community of people whose lives have also been touched by suicide and help us continue to heal and process the loss of my father.

Many people put together teams for The Overnight as a way of fundraising and spreading awareness in the lead-up to the event. When my two aunts and I registered, we created “Team BriGuy” to remember and honor my father. Our team sported matching bright red t-shirts (his favorite color) that had my dad’s famous “Be good to yourself” saying on the back.

My first Overnight experience was above and beyond what I expected. I showed up to the Intrepid, where the Walk started, filled with nerves. Would I be emotional? Was I ready to chat with fellow Walkers about why I was there? Would I be the only young person walking? Would I last the entire night?

Greeted by friendly smiles at check-in instantly made me feel more comfortable. The opening ceremony included an honor bead ceremony, with people sharing their personal stories, and wearing color-coded beads that indicated their connection to the cause. My personal bead color was gold, representing the loss of a parent. Hearing these stories gave me confidence that I could share my own story, and seeing others wearing gold beads reminded me that I was not alone.

The miles went by fast, and the energy was electric: I realized a somber event can also be full of love and laughter, as Walkers exchanged stories along the route about the people we love.

The event helped mend my broken heart. My two aunts and I crossed the finish line with tired feet, some tears and lots of hope.

I also left the event inspired. After my dad died, the pain I felt made me wonder if I would be able to carry on his legacy of kindness and make this world a better place without him. The Overnight helped me realize that I have power in my sadness. I realized I could use this loss to help others by starting conversations about mental health and suicide prevention: conversations I wish my dad could have had, that would have led him to help.

In 2019, a bigger Team BriGuy returned to The Overnight, held that year in Boston, a short drive from where my family is from. It was also close to my college, where I had been accepted into my college’s semester program in Washington D.C., in which each student interns in a field of their choice, studies public policy and writes a “passion-project” thesis. As a psychology major, I wanted to learn more about mental health policies. I also knew that AFSP was a community in which I was embraced and felt empowered. I applied to AFSP’s public policy office in D.C., where as a student I worked alongside volunteer Field Advocates and staff to evaluate the laws protecting the mental health of first responders.

This deep dive into first responders’ mental health and suicide prevention aligned with my father’s – and now my own – “Be good to yourself” mission. First responders are the people we rely on to help in a crisis. They remind us to be good to ourselves by helping us out of danger. We, as a society, can return the favor and remind first responders to be good to themselves by supporting public policies that help them protect their own mental health.

In 2021, following my graduation from college, Team BriGuy continued to participate in The Overnight virtually during the pandemic. As our team walked through a park in my dad’s hometown, I was asked typical post-grad questions from relatives about what type of job I wanted. I didn’t know that I would soon continue my connection to AFSP professionally, becoming AFSP’s Walks Administrative Assistant. Working for AFSP full-time has been a joy, where I’ve continued to learn and understand more, and interact with others who share a connection to this cause.

If I had told 14-year-old me that I would be working for AFSP, she wouldn’t have believed it. That younger version of me, grieving my father, could barely say the word suicide without crying. But over the last nine years, I have found hope and have been empowered in a whole new way to create change. Every day I get to connect with Walkers who have the same passion to make this world a more loving place.

And I get to remind them to be good to themselves as we fight the good fight.

Each Overnight means something different to me. This year, Team BriGuy is returning to NYC, the place where it all started for us. I am working for an organization I wholeheartedly believe in, where we are all striving to make this world a better place.

It has been nine years without my dad. But not a day has passed where I don’t remind and encourage those around me to live life with an extra dose of kindness and to be good to themselves.